She bowed her head in silent shame; overcome by guilt. You’d think that ought to be enough for her to stop, but day after day there she was in the same place; like a fiend waiting for her next fix. Her body bears the scars.
For as long as she could remember Jane found great comfort in food. At the age of ten she’d sneak it into her room so that her parents couldn’t see how much she was eating. Frozen burritos in sandwich bags under the bed, chips in the closet; a recipe for disaster.
As Jane became a teenager she used food to numb the pain in her life. It had become her only true friend. Food didn’t gossip, lie, or make her feel like crap like everyone else in her life seemed to. It filled the void in her life. She felt safe.
You would think Jane was fat, but she wasn’t. She was active in sports and looked pretty good on the outside, but inwardly she was a mess. She smiled on the outside while crying on the inside. The only place she felt like she truly fit in was in her bedroom having a love affair with food.
Jane married young and promptly started a family. She thought this new love would fill the void in her life. And it did for awhile. But a few years down the road when her new life started to fall apart she found herself back in that place trying to suffocate the pain.
Her lifestyle had finally caught up to her. Jane would close her eyes when she passed a mirror because she couldn’t bear to see what she had become. The person looking back was a stranger; an ugly fat stranger. Instead of changing, Jane immersed herself deeper into the abyss.
As time sauntered by Jane grew unhappy with the way she looked and felt. She pleaded with God to help her overcome and be able to fix the mess she had made. An endless string of diets and exercise left her hopeless. She feared she would look like the Goodyear Blimp for the rest of her life. So once again she turned to her lifelong companion.
Lying in bed at night she would dream of being anorexic because it seemed like no one judged or made fun of thin people. If only she had the will power to stay away from food. She knew being anorexic would bring on a whole new set of problems, but it was a nice dream.
One day something clicked. Jane had enough of her life. She was determined to change. After much prayer and anguish she decided that she had to change before she ended up another statistic. The road would be long and it would not be easy, but Jane had to do it. Her family and friends deserved better.
Jane still struggles. Food is her crack; her addiction. Some days she fails. Some days she walks in freedom. All days she prays that God will help her make it through and she knows that even when it seems impossible it isn’t.
Nothing is impossible with God.