The other day ole’ Ned an’ me was in the big city and we walked into that thare fancy coffee drinkin’ place; starmucks or starbunks. Ahh, I cain’t renember for the lifa me what that darned place is called. Anyway, it done smelled like a coffee bean exploded up muh nose or sumthin’. Now, I ain’t much fer coffee, but Junior done told us thare’s tea there too so I figgered we’d give er’ a try.
Whell, thare was people lined up almost right near to the door and ole Ned gets himself in a tizzy when there’s lotsa people round so his bowels started to actin’ up. I knewed we was in trouble when he started doin’ a lil jig right thare in the line. People was gigglin’ and pointin’ so I tole them what was what and we got out of the line an’ tried to find us a toilet. We done looked everywhere outside and there weren’t no toilet rooms out there. Whoever made that darned place was outta thare everlovin’ mind. The toilets were hidin’ clear in the back of the store where no one could find em’. Someone would pee themselves tryin’ to find it! Anyway, ole Ned barely made it, but he did we headed back to our spot in line. A nice youngin’ said he’d save our spot. But when we got back thare he jus’ ignored us when we tried to get back in line. I was madder than a hornet being chased by a newspaper. The lines was out the door and I wasn’ gonna go all the way to the back. I smacked him with my purse and pushed him outta the way so we could get back our spot. Ole Ned was so embarrassed, but it was his fault we hadda get outta line anyway.
A lil bit later a bar sistah came over. I guess that was what she was. Her name tag said that. “What’s the problem here?” She asked.
“Nuthin’ ma’am. This youngin’ was jus’ tryin’ to steal our spot in line is all! I think he mighta had too many drinks from the bar, Sistah. You might wanna cut him off.”
“We don’t have a bar here. What are you talking about?”
“Then you is false advertisin’ sayin’ you is a bar sistah.”
“That says Barista.”
“That’s what I done said; Bar Sistah. Ya don’ have to lie.”
“I am not lying and you and your husband need to go to the end of the line or leave, please.”
“Fine! C’mon Ned. Let’s go to the end fore this sistah makes a scene or sumthin’.”
So, we waited in line fer what seemed like a year an’ we finally got the front. The orderin’ wall was in Germin’ or Italin’. I was readin’ tryin’ to figger it out when all the sudden I heard music sweet to the ears as uncle Bub’s corn. I looked over in the corner and low an’ behold it was Johnny Cash. I right near to fainted when I sawed him. “Ned, I done thought Johnny was dead.”
“We been lied to, I reckon, Betty.”
“Oh Ned, he’s singin’ right to me. Bless my soul!”I fell into a burnin’ ring of fire…
Ole Ned just rolled his eyes, but I done had to have me a closer look. So we got outta line and took a seat to have a listen. When he was done singin’ I ran over to talk at him fer awhile. “If yer alive have we been lied to and is June still a breathin’ too?”
“Excuse me? What do you mean? Who’s June?”
“Yer wife, ya ole silly man.”
“I’ve never been married, ma’am. You must be mistaken.”
“Ned! Johnny done got the all timers dazeze! He cain’t even renember his own wife.”
Well, I musta done said that too loud, but I didn’t think we hadda whisper. It wa’nt like we was at a liberry or anythin’, but the bar sistah came over an’ said we hadda be leavin’ or she was gonna call the police on us.
We figgered it was best to leave since we was still in trouble fer gettin’ into a scrape in the Wal-mart parkin’ lot. I didn’ mean to shoot that poor man. I didn’t know the gun was loaded. Sides, he was the one harassin’ us anyhow.
That is how we done got banned from Starchunks Coffee Drinkin’ Place. I think those bar sistahs were drunk anyway. An’ poor Johnny. Someone needs to git him to the doctor fore he fergets how to sing too!